”“It looks like you have certainly done a thorough job of planning. Give me a rundown on the rest of your plans, if you will. I am so impressed with your state of preparedness.”“Ok, just sit over here and relax. Cici, you and Didi sit on Gramps’ lap while I give him a review. Ok?”“Sure. Can we play with him while you talk?”“As long as he pays attention to what I am saying. If his eyes begin to roll up into his head, then back off till he starts breathing easy. Got it?”“Got it.” They each grabbed a handful and began playing.“All right, Gramps. Here is what we did to prepare for the end of civilization as we knew it. Again, we divided the problem into a series of smaller problems and assigned teams to each one. We knew that we would be needing food, clothing and shelter, but not in that order of priority. We assumed that the less clothing we wore around you, the better you would like it. Was that a good assumption?”“You bet, although that wasn’t much of a stretch, so you don’t get as. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.”Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles: “I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.”John Breen, Houston Oilers: “We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.”Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons: “The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.”Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher: “When I’m on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo.”Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon: “Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day.”Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach: “I have a lifetime contract. That means I can’t be fired during the third quarter if we’re ahead and moving the ball.”Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game: “I won’t know until my barber tells.
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